So here am I. At the crossroads of life. 

I wish I could say I get excited when this happens. I wish I could say I look forward to it. I also wish I could say I’m used to it by now. But the truth is, I get uncomfortable when change comes. And instead of pulling up my socks and getting the job done, I cower in fear. 

I can pretend to say it’s my anxiety. I can pretend to say it’s my depression. I can pretend and say a lot of things. But it all comes down to fear of the unknown. And the fear is so intense that I would rather do my best to avoid it than to just face it.

Like a 10 year old kid who puts all of his effort into not doing school work, yet if he put 1/10th of that effort into actually completing it, he would have been done hours ago. 

That’s kind of how I feel right now. 

I have reached the end of the road here in London, and have come to a fork. I cant go back, I can either go left, or right.

On the left: a job prospect developing the Grey Highlands digital library and services. The interview is either today or tomorrow, with an in-person interview possibly on Tuesday. I’m not sure if my skills are up to par for what they want, so I fear I may be over my head. As I don’t have this job yet, this path has a red light, waiting for it to change to green. 

On the right: Toronto. My uncle has made it more than clear that I’m welcome to stay with his family until I get a job in Toronto. I already have friends and family there, which I desperately need at this time. I have volunteering gigs lined up for the Toronto Public Library, making getting into the profession a bit easer. This path has, not only a green light, but friends and family waiting for me. 

Each path is shrouded in fog and mystery, and I’m not big on adventures. I feel a lot like Samwise Gamgee, on his way out from the Shire, standing on the cusp of that farmer’s field. I’ve never stepped this far out of my comfort zone before, and if I take one more step, it will be the farthest I’ve ever been from it.

The real question is: Do I take a step towards the Grey Highlands, where there is a professional job, with no established friends and at least an hours drive away from my closest family (and when I don’t have a car…or a reliable bus system…)? Or do I take a step to Toronto, where there is no established job yet, but where there is friends and family at my finger tips? 

For right now, I don’t have to make a concrete decision, as I haven’t even had the interview in Grey Highlands, and I don’t have to move from London until the end of March (but I plan to be out of my apartment by the 10th of March). I just need to play the cards I have in my hand (metaphors for the win in this post!) and wait for the next round of cards to come in.